It sounds morbid, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a list of things I plan to do after Grumpy kicks the bucket. It’s part of living with someone who is terminally ill. Life becomes about him. You have to wait your turn. And so, without even wanting to, you find that you’ve made a list of things to do… after. These are some of my things, in no particular order.
1) Buy a house. Sometimes I like to fool myself into thinking I can do this while Grumpy is still alive, but that won’t happen. He doesn’t want to live in the kind of house I want. I don’t want to buy the kind of house he’d be willing to live in. And he doesn’t want to move. He’s dug in. So for now I just save my money, and dream of the little house I’ll buy someday.
2) Spoil my dog rotten. Some people would say that I’m already doing this, but Nebby has to live with someone who is in a tremendous amount of pain, and that can be hard on a dog. If Nebby outlives Grumpy, I’m going to make it all up to him.
3) Get rid of all the furniture and start over. Most of it was Grumpy’s. Some of it I never liked in the first place, and most of it has suffered from life with Grumpy. He spills stuff. He used to start fires. There’s been some damage. There might be a few items that I’ll keep, but most of it will be gone as soon as that can be arranged. I want small furniture… no huge couches, desks or beds. I want things that I can rearrange myself if I feel like it. And I want old things. Small, old furniture for my small, old house.
4) Visit my brother. He lives in another state. I can’t travel now. When I can, I’d like to go see my little brother for a week or so. Nebby will be coming with me.
5) Start making quilts again. To be clear, I never finished a quilt in my life, but I like piecing quilt tops. I want to do some more of that.
6) Make rosaries. It’s been a long time since I’ve been what you might call a good Catholic, but I always loved making rosaries. I like making the cheap, plastic give-away rosaries, and occasionally I like making a nice one. I miss it.
7) Volunteer at an animal shelter. I think Nebby could do this with me. And we might even take in foster pets, if the cat can handle it.
8) Turn off the TV, possibly for good. I might even put it away in a closet.
9) Replace the flatware. Why does no one understand that you can’t stack a plate on top of another plate with a fork in between? My flatware is all bent. I hate it. It’s pointless to replace it now, but when I’m on my own I’ll be getting new, unbent utinsils.
10) Learn how to make friends, and make some. I’m not sure I’ll be able to pull this one off, but it’s worth a shot.